Complacency at its Best

I read an article the other day about the "shocking lows" of Millennial marriage. It turns out, there are more and more in this generation that aren't hurrying down the aisle just to check off a box of adulthood.

I don't enjoy admitting to being a Millennial myself; as the generation runneth over with adults who still act like kids, who balk at responsibility and have little initiative, but expect the world in return for the little they contribute. Most of the things I see in this, my, generation is embarrassing. But when it comes to marriage, I think we may be on to something...

In the 1950's, marriage was something to strive for, and this period of time was considered the "golden age" of marriage. Getting (and staying) married was expected and revered; along with creating a family, buying a house, keeping up with the Joneses...this was being an adult. Each decade since has brought about social change when it comes to views on marriage and what is considered "ideal". The divorce rate consistently rose through 1985, as laws became more lax, no longer requiring one to prove a cheating or abusive spouse; and women became more independent. Since the mid-80's, it remains safe to say that half of all marriages in the U.S. will end in divorce. (Source here)

In my mind, these facts alone make a case for holding off on marriage, perhaps indefinitely. However, in the interest of thinking outside myself, I realize there are economic consequences to Millennials holding off on marriage. First, there's the wedding itself. I just realized I'm in the wrong business! The average wedding cost in 2013 was nearly $30,000. Who has $30,000 ready to blow on one day that you have a 50% chance of regretting forever? Wowzers. After the big day, married couples, with their dual incomes, can spend more than singletons. The steps after marriage are typically: 1) Buy a house, 2) Upgrade vehicles for babies, 3) Have babies, 4) Spend money on babies, 5) Don't forget to keep up with the Joneses! All of these life events contribute immensely to our economy. Then, when things don't work out, you get to spend money on the divorce, which costs almost as much as the wedding, at $15,000-$20,000. All of these things help our economy, although it creates some pretty miserable people.

Here's something to chew on: Is the unmistakable contribution to our economy, through the act of getting married and (probably) divorced, enough to reconsider our motives for waiting to say "I do"? Or, are Millennials the first generation to put our happiness and well-being first, who will not willfully enter into a permanent state of complacency, just because it's what is expected? Complacency; the feeling of being satisfied with the way things are and not wanting or trying to make them better. Just saying the word leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Although there's nothing wrong with being satisfied with your life, why not continue to try and make it better? Just as an employee who has tenure, knowing that their position is permanent, can adopt an attitude of complacency, so I've seen in marriage. After all, what do you have to lose? It's a contract entered into by both parties, it's a pain to go through the divorce, and if you get into a fight or stop making love, it's not as if the other person will run to their lawyer to leave you. At least, not right away, not until both of you are so sick of each other that you can't stand to spend another minute together...

I realize I sound cynical, and I want to make it clear that I do believe in true love and being with someone forever. I am lucky enough to be living that, and my boyfriend is proof there are really good guys out there. I don't believe that I need to get married to prove to anyone that this is the real deal and that we are committed to each other. That little bit of fear of loss that every pre-marital couple has, forces you to treat each other as if you can still lose them. Knowing that I could lose the best thing that's ever happened to me makes every day more special, and I cherish the time we spend together, because I know we're choosing to be together. It's not a piece of paper forcing us to stick this out.

We do this because we're stubborn...Plus there's the love thing.