BOOORING!

I am sitting in a seminar in beautiful Denver, Colorado on an 80° day.

I am dying.

Our speaker is from the IRS, she is a small business auditor who was never taught how to dress appropriately--her T-shirt dress is an unflattering mid-thigh summer ensemble. Adorable, but not appreciated by those of us who do know how to dress for business; and are sweating in suit jackets and close-toes shoes. This entire room reeks of sweat and boredom. I didn't notice the stench until after the last break, when half the attendees ad mysteriously disappeared, and the rest of us slowly returned to our seats, armed with coffee and Mountain Dew.

I sit in the front row, half because I enjoy being teacher's pet, and half because my ADD will surely keep me from learning anything amid a sea of ladies and gents who are begging to be (silently) judged.

The two presenters on break in front of me are both playing on their phones. The one with the open-toes sandals on can't seem to stop frowning. I can't help but think that she's going to put such deep lines in her pretty face! The other one is making a lemon-sucking face; and I just saw her take a nap-blink. You know those extra-long blinks you take when you're about to fall asleep?

I'm praying my Mountain Dew prevents me from doing the same.

Mrs. T-short dress opens with, "I'd really rather sit, but I speak so quietly..." she fades off and glares at the stationary microphone attached to her pedestal. She also mentions multiple times throughout her deadpan presentation of 40 slides that we must want to get out of this classroom. YES! We do! But we are stuck! Stuck in a stinky room on a gorgeous summer day, watching you read slides while barely moving your mouth. If you are so obviously bored with the content, how am I possibly supposed to care? She zips through the slides because it's almost rush hour, and she would like to beat traffic. "Dammit, I came to learn!" I want to scream that, but I don't, mostly because I'm pretty sure I would get tackled by the few folks left, who obviously share the same sentiment as our speaker.

Although our last speaker of the day may have gotten on the road in time, the rest of us have to endure a 30-minute Q&A session. On my survey for the course, I try to be honest but constructive, requesting knowledgeable speakers who are comfortable with the material (One of our speakers looked like she was having a panic attack right in front of us).

It takes me two hours to get home. I blast music and finger dance, and promise myself that I will never be like those speakers we had to endure today: Bored in life, Eager for the day to be done, Uninteresting and Uninterested. Life is simply too short!