That may seem like a nasty thing to think, but it comes from a place of love and acceptance. Love for this girl I don't know, someone most women are likely jealous of; and acceptance of myself. I used to be this girl, working two jobs to make ends meet, always exhausted but content to pay my own way, constantly happy but completely unfulfilled...I might miss the endless energy and size two jeans, but I wouldn't go back. Asses grow larger, hearts grow more fragile as they get broken over and over. Life deals out continuous tests, and the constant pressure will either crush you, or transform you into a diamond. As I watched her flirt and giggle with co-workers and guests, I didn't feel anger or jealousy; after all, she will always be younger, cuter, skinnier than I; I felt love. My heart reached out to this girl who I used to be.
It was at this same moment that I decided to shed the insecurities I've carried around for years. I'm not proud to say that I can be pretty harsh in my initial judgments of people, especially when those people happen to be younger women. I've wasted time judging strangers and myself, incessantly comparing, silently putting myself down. I spent the first summer in our new apartment complex feeling like a cow because I wasn't the same size as the twenty-somethings running around in bikinis. How silly. Comparing my seeming shortcomings because someone else is thinner? Or younger? Sheesh. My bad habit of snapping to judgments has been unhealthy for my soul, and I'm ready to let that shit go.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, Thank You, bartendress! You have helped me more than you know, I finally feel free.
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