Dealing with Dummies

I hate being a girlfriend.

Don't get me wrong, I loooove all the things that being a girlfriend is supposed to be: I love the snuggles and texts and date nights. I love knowing that someone has chosen me to be theirs, that this one person thinks I'm better than all the rest. I love having the same person in my bed every night, and smooching the same lips every day. I love all the little habits that form, all the normal items of the everyday that become more special because you get to do them with someone you adore.

And then there's the things I hate. I am a great girlfriend, although I don't currently have a model relationship to prove it...I am the one who always compromises, whether it's dinner or where we vacation. I am the one who adopts their family as my own, and I continually make sacrifices for the one I'm with. I think constantly about how to make my partner happy, with little thought as to what I may require in return. I know this is why my relationships have failed in the past...But all I want to do is treat the other person how I would like to be treated. The truth is, it is rarely reciprocated.

It would be fantastic if that honeymoon phase could last forever: when the person I'm with can't wait to call or text or just be around me. It usually fades around the 6th month; they fall into their comfort zone, and I realize they won't love me the way I need them to. I can give and give and give, but it won't be enough to a) keep their affection, and b) make me happy.

So I leave. I start over, again and again, hoping that the next time might be different. We jokingly say I have a Black Heart that crushes others, but the truth is I will never stop trying; and I definitely won't settle. I believe in loving fully, and never losing hope that someday I might find someone to share that love with. And if that doesn't happen, I have an amazing, wonderful life. My friends and family show me what true love is every day, and they make me happier than a man ever could.